How to Be Calm Around Your Crush

by Mitch Reid

    Experiencing nervousness around a crush is a common experience. Even the most social individuals can find themselves tongue-tied when in the presence of the right person. Avoiding your crush might be your initial reaction to dodge anxiety, embarrassment or rejection. However, if you run from your fears, not only do you ruin your chances of a potential relationship, you also give your fears and insecurities permission to reemerge again and again. Learn to stay calm around your crush by adopting strategies to limit stress and negativity.

    Accept Your Thoughts

    Accepting your own nervousness is a vital step in overcoming it. This doesn't necessarily mean you have to grow fond of your anxiety or view it as an impossible wall. This simply means that you acknowledge that nervousness is a normal emotional reaction and there is no need to feel shame or frustration when it arises.

    Confront the Negative Self-Talk

    Watch out for four negative thinking patterns and counter with positive thoughts, suggest Melinda Smith, M.A., and Ellen Jaffe-Gill, M.A. "Mind reading" involves assuming your crush sees the same flaws you see in yourself. "Fortune telling" means you assume any situation with your crush will end poorly for you. "Catastrophizing" means that you over exaggerate negative situations. For example, if you assume your crush will think you are unattractive because you briefly stammered, you are likely catastrophizing. "Personalizing" is when you assume the words or actions of your crush are negatively aimed at you. For example, when you personalize, you might assume your crush’s playful teasing was an insult.

    Stay Curious

    When it comes to the dating world, you can either fear the unknown or redirect your energy toward fostering curiosity, suggests Jeremy Nicholson, doctor of social and personality psychology. Rather than put the focus on yourself, focus on your crush. For example, ask her questions and take a sincere interest in her answers. Keep an eye on her body language, rather than obsessing over your own. The goal is to escape your nervous introversion and fully engage your crush. Not only will this help you escape nervousness, you will also likely learn new information about your crush.

    Practice Breathing Exercises

    Deep breathing exercises counter the fight-or-flight response associated with stress and give you a more relaxed mindset. There are various breathing techniques to try. For example, Therese Borchard, associate editor of Psych Central, describes coherent breathing as inhaling while counting to five, then exhaling while counting to five. This will lower your heart rate and reduces nervousness when you approach your crush.

    About the Author

    Mitch Reid has been a writer since 2006. He holds a fine arts degree in creative writing, but has a persistent interest in social psychology. He loves train travel, writing fiction, and leaping out of planes. His written work has appeared on sites such as Synonym.com and GlobalPost, and he has served as an editor for ebook publisher Crescent Moon Press, as well as academic literary journals.

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