Leaving a Liar Behind

by Elise Wile

    A bad relationship is "chronically lacking" what you need, according to the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign counseling center. When you're involved with a liar, it's a guarantee that you're in a bad relationship since honesty and trust -- a must-have for every relationship -- is missing. Remember that you have the power to leave, and take whatever steps are necessary to get up the gumption to step away from your dishonest date forever.

    Step 1

    Sing a song. Music can help to lift you up and give you the energy and motivation you need to get the energy-sucking liar in your life out the door. Listen to Ray Charles' "Hit the Road Jack" and Paul Simon's "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover." While you're singing, "Just drop off the key, Lee," think about how you are about to be free from the burden of listening to your guy explain for the 20th time that he was late because his boss asked him to work late.

    Step 2

    Recognize that the liar is not the person you thought she was. While she may have been very sweet on those nights when the two of you took long walks along the beach, keep in mind that you were not seeing the entire person. After all, there was also the other side who was busy trying to reconnect with her ex-boyfriend while simultaneously professing her love for you.

    Step 3

    Change your beliefs. If you think that love should last forever or that you'll be a bad person if you hurt the liar's feelings, examine the truthfulness of these beliefs. These often unconscious ideas serve to keep you stuck in relationships that do not serve your highest good. If you catch yourself fearing failure, being alone or getting caught in another destructive loop of thoughts, seek counseling to help you find the truth in your life that you should follow.

    Step 4

    Give thanks. Shout to the heavens how happy you are that the liar's strategies were revealed to you before you wasted even more of your life on his scheming manipulations. Taking this approach -- as opposed to curling up in bed with a stack of fashion magazines and several chocolate bars -- will empower you to stick to your guns and get the liar out of your life.

    Step 5

    Seek support from your friends. Getting together for coffee and hearing your friend say, "That guy is bad news, and if I ever see him near you again, I'll slash his tires," can be good for your morale, if not her police record. It's good to have such a friend to call on those nights when you're thinking more about his amazing lip action instead of his ability to scam people and make them enjoy the ride.

    Step 6

    Avoid contact with the liar. This is not the time to "just be friends." A person who lies will have no compunction telling you lies when you're no longer in a relationship -- she may simply use you in different ways. Insulate yourself from tearful phone calls about how you were the only person for her -- after having found evidence of cheating -- by blocking her calls. Keep in mind that a liar has no problem making up any story at all in order to get you back, and behave accordingly.

    Step 7

    Ask yourself what you've learned, recommends organizational psychologist and coach Marcia Reynolds in a July 2012 "Psychology Today" article. Write your answers down, and you'll be able to use the wisdom you've gained to help guide you in your next relationship. For example, in the future, you might be more diligent about looking beneath the charm to determine a person's true sense of ethics.

    About the Author

    Elise Wile has been a writer since 2003. Holding a master's degree in curriculum and Instruction, she has written training materials for three school districts. Her expertise includes mentoring, serving at-risk students and corporate training.

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