How to Spice Up a 20-Year Marriage

by Kristen Moutria

    If you have been married for 20 years, you have most likely fallen into a comfortable, predictable routine with your spouse. While you still love her and are devoted to her, you may desire a more intimate, exciting connection to bring you even closer together. Instead of falling into the trap of familiarity, surprise your spouse by doing something unexpected and making things interesting in your relationship.

    Be Independent

    It may not seem like a way to spice up your relationship, but by being independent, you are actually causing your spouse to be drawn to you. A sense of purpose and independence are sexy, suggests author and licensed psychologist Sherrie Campbell. You might focus on ways to develop your spiritual life, join a challenging exercise group or focus on having a rewarding career. Anything you do that brings meaning to your life will make you more interesting to your spouse and cause him to be more excited about your marriage.

    Eliminate Distractions

    While you may like the idea of just zoning out in front of the television with the one you love, you might need to take an evening and get to know one another on a deeper level. Turn off the television and your phones, and have a date night at home complete with dinner and dessert. Ask each other questions about your deepest fears, the most rewarding moments in your life or something you feel you must do before you die. You may even decide to go on an outing together and spend some time just getting to know one another in a place where there are not many other people, such as a park or by a lake. This will spice up your marriage and bring variety to your routine.

    Make Time to Connect Physically

    Make time to connect with your spouse in a physical way, by making sure you hug each day, cuddle when you are watching television and hold hands when you are walking together in a public place. Also, try focusing on the act of kissing to bring some excitement to your marriage. Kissing is often even more intimate than the act of having sex, but is usually one of the first things that couples stop doing in a long-term marriage, states Jill Blakeway, author of "Sex Again: Recharging Your Libido." Blakeway reports that when a couple stops kissing, it often leads to loss of passion in a relationship. Bring the excitement back into your marriage by making physical connection a top priority, by hugging every morning before work and kissing each night before bed.

    Use Your Words

    Excite your spouse by using your words in your relationship. You might tell him how you cannot wait to see him later in the day, or that you have a plan for a romantic evening at home. Talk about how exactly you want to be intimate with your partner, recommends Dr. Laura Berman, sex and relationship educator and therapist. Letting him know exactly how you want to be close to him will bring both of you excitement and give your 20-year marriage the boost it needs.

    About the Author

    Kristen Moutria has a Bachelor of Arts in psychology from Evangel University. She is currently pursuing her Master of Arts in education from the University of Nebraska.

    Photo Credits

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